there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
