In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
