His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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