What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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