So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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