wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
