Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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