sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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