If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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