Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
