Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.