I want to walk on stilts...naked
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...