Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
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Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack