you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog