my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
