i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize