I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
