i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
