Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ttyl tear gas
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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