I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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