It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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