it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
