I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize