we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
