I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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