so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need moral support for this bender
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
