Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
