Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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