Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
