I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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