she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I AM VODKA MAN
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
whose parrot is this?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
