I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
