I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
