Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
