i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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