My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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