My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
