The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
