I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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