'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
