I puked a lego.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
