Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
