Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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