I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
