he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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