When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
