I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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