my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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