4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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