my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
