At least make sure they are 18
Why
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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