Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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