I can tuck mytits in my pants
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
