I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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