And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
