I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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