I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
