Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
