Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
